[ She tightens her grip on his hand, attempting to send a wave of comfort through her actions as he reopens his eyes. ]
I do. [ She wants to ask if that's strange.
She assumes he'll say yes, which is unfortunate, and due to that she feels it's necessary to draw herself closer. She moves her hand not intertwined with his to the back of his shoulders. Practically embracing him; fingers curling as she goes to rest her head on the slop of his shoulder.. ] You don't have to keep them hidden around me... I'll always accept every part of you, Giovanni, and that's a promise.
[All of this, it's more than a little overwhelming, leaves him feeling more cut adrift and unmoored from himself than he has ever been because it makes no sense, to hear such things, and he certainly doesn't deserve them. Shouldn't want them either, as a tool of bloodshed and war, a thing created only to destroy, and the fact that his traitor heart skips a conspicuous beat when her head rests on his shoulder and she says those words so artlessly only makes him feel all the more at odds with himself. Makes him think, once again, of pushing her off him or perhaps even snapping the slender stem of her throat to make it stop and go away and return the world to some kind of order, to something closer to what he knows and what he ought to be.
But he does no such thing. Keeps those violent vicious impulses pushed down and held tight because they're not what he really wants, either. He wants...something he doesn't know how to name. Wants to hold onto this moment and keep it like a jewel pressed into the very heart of him, forever. Wants her to stay like this, with him. Pressed close.
Instead, at last, he tries to stake a small step back and away from her.]
I think, perhaps, I need to take some air. It's very...compressed in here, isn't it? All these people.
[ Comforting. Warm. Giovanni feels something akin to home, a familiar face that has been around since the first few days in this world, and selfishly she too wants to keep him close. Especially now that they live on opposite ends—Olympia and Wyver—whose truce is coming to a swift end despite her wishes for it not to. Perhaps then she'd give into the option of going back to Olympia.
But she can't. And subconsciously she mentally takes her own step back, pulling her heart away from the idea of concreting itself into feelings for someone else.
Still, she appears visibly concerned when he pulls back. Her head leaving his shoulder as she continues to hold his hand. ]
Are you okay? [ Genuine concern laces with every word. ] Sorry... did I say something wrong?
[He shakes his head, a small tight motion, smiles a brittle kind of smile.]
I've just had enough dancing for now.
[Because he can't say she said something wrong, not exactly. Not when it's exactly the kind of thing he's always wanted to hear and to have, for someone to see him as something other than unforgivably flawed. But all of this-- it isn't for the likes of him, shouldn't be.
(Whatever would Mother say?)
And so he takes another step back. Drops her hand. Repeats himself.]
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no subject
I do. [ She wants to ask if that's strange.
She assumes he'll say yes, which is unfortunate, and due to that she feels it's necessary to draw herself closer. She moves her hand not intertwined with his to the back of his shoulders. Practically embracing him; fingers curling as she goes to rest her head on the slop of his shoulder.. ] You don't have to keep them hidden around me... I'll always accept every part of you, Giovanni, and that's a promise.
no subject
But he does no such thing. Keeps those violent vicious impulses pushed down and held tight because they're not what he really wants, either. He wants...something he doesn't know how to name. Wants to hold onto this moment and keep it like a jewel pressed into the very heart of him, forever. Wants her to stay like this, with him. Pressed close.
Instead, at last, he tries to stake a small step back and away from her.]
I think, perhaps, I need to take some air. It's very...compressed in here, isn't it? All these people.
no subject
But she can't. And subconsciously she mentally takes her own step back, pulling her heart away from the idea of concreting itself into feelings for someone else.
Still, she appears visibly concerned when he pulls back. Her head leaving his shoulder as she continues to hold his hand. ]
Are you okay? [ Genuine concern laces with every word. ] Sorry... did I say something wrong?
no subject
I've just had enough dancing for now.
[Because he can't say she said something wrong, not exactly. Not when it's exactly the kind of thing he's always wanted to hear and to have, for someone to see him as something other than unforgivably flawed. But all of this-- it isn't for the likes of him, shouldn't be.
(Whatever would Mother say?)
And so he takes another step back. Drops her hand. Repeats himself.]
I need to take some air.